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In the INTRO posting to this blog I mentioned some ways to stave off memory loss in an aging brain, mainly mental gymnastics and mind bogglers. A specific remedy is
banishing stress by means of humor, the essence of “Laughter is the best medicine.” This piece follows this vein, using humorous quotes and jokes.Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it. - Cullen Hightower
Numerous studies have validated the medical benefits of laughing. On the other hand, someone who has had the misfortune of not having personally experienced or witnessed the rude behavior of laughing at another person would not know the potential harm and consequences of the act. One can lose a friend this way, or one’s life with a stranger.
When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. - Thomas Szasz
Overheard at the U.S. Food and Drug Administration: “If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn’t we be regulating it?” Our Pinoy BFAD admitted they don’t have sufficient manpower to enforce regulations, so Pinoys are still free to laugh.
A. A. A. D. D. (Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder).
This is how it manifests: (Forwarded by email)
I decide to water my lawn.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye - they need to be watered.I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the living room where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the lawn isn't watered,
the car isn't washed,
the bills aren't paid,
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only one check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasse
s, I don't remember what I did with the car keys, and my neighbor called to tell me he turned off the hose that was flooding the driveway.Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to someone you know, because I may not remember to whom it has been sent.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!
GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY.
GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
LAUGHING AT YOURSELF IS THERAPEUTIC!
Hard of hearing
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."
Automotive horror
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Highway 280. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Campaign speech A man making a campaign speech said, “My candidate is as honest a man as money can buy.” The sudden laughter made him realize his slip so in an attempt to recover he said, “I mean he never stole a centavo in his life ─ and all he asks is a chance.”
Insult The only graceful way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can’t ignore it, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh at it; if you can’t laugh at it, it’s probably deserved. — Russell Lynes
In my sentences I go where no man has gone before...I am a boon to the English language.
-- George W. Bush
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. -- Emo Philips
In this country steeped in a culture of prayer, its bureaucracy works in this exact manner. God helps those who help themselves.
Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished. -- Leslie Nielsen
I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried — but they wanted cash.
-- Anonymous
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
-- Groucho Marx
History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. -- Napoleon Bonaparte
What luck for the rulers that men do not think. -- Adolf Hitler
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. -- Texas Guinan
In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He did not also limit his stupidity. -- Konrad Adenauer
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order. -- Brian Pickrell
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
-- Frank Zappa
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits -- Albert Einstein
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. -- Wendell Johnson
In a contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream
up new elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch:
Billclintium Bc
With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element
undergoes a series of interesting changes when in hot water.
Budweisium Ps
Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water.
Cabmium Cb
Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states,
in motion and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no
matter what you do. Cabmium has a charge associated with it.
The charge is variable, and scientists have not determined the
formula for calculating it.
Canadium Eh
Similar to Americium, but a little denser. Much more rigid.
Often called Boron.
Innofensium Pc
Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons,
leptons, quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells
like a rose.
Limbaughium Lb
The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding
mass. Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly
polarizes all elements that come in contact with it. Repels
protons and electrons; attracts only morons.
Newtium
Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not
possess magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply.
Quaylium Vp
Einsteinium it ain't.
Politicium Po
Contains a great deal of brass. Similar to radon in that it can
reach lethal concentrations in the House.
Congress Cg
Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.
Snot Sn
Bonds forever with corduroy.
Kryptonite S
Kills Superman. That's it. That's all it does.
Annual Neologism Contest
The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners:
1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Political brains
Our brain is made up of two parts, the left and the right part. With our politicians, the problem is that: The LEFT has nothing RIGHT in it, and The RIGHT has nothing LEFT in it!
Sign Language:
Be Very Careful with the Sign of the V
If you make a V with your middle and index fingers, in most parts of the world people understand the fact that you're making a peace or victory sign. But you have to be careful which way your palm faces when you're in England and Australia. There, if you make a V and face the back of your hand outward, it's shorthand for "up yours."
Thumbs up
In the United States, it can mean "everything is all right," or, "I need a ride."
But this meaning is by no means universal.
In Nigeria, tourists have been beaten up for trying to hitchhike with the aid of their thumbs. In Australia, it once again means "up yours," something that makes one wonder if the Australians have as many ways of saying "up yours" as Native Alaskans do for snow.
Laughter Provides Many Health Benefits
Do you know that laughing increases circulation and improves the delivery of oxygen and nutrients to body tissue, that humor lowers blood pressure and aids the immune system in doing its job and also wards off
respiratory problems? Think of it as an aerobic workout for your lungs. Laughter reduces stress hormones, helps control pain by increasing endorphines and by allowing a person to set aside aches and pains, allowing the body to relax.
Following is a summary of how humor contributes to maintaining good health.
Reduction of Stress Hormones - Laughing is a powerful tool that can lower stress and dissolve anger. Mood is elevated by striving to find humor in difficult and frustrating situations. Humor is not so much about a funny joke, but about how we view the world. Laughing at ourselves and the situation helps reveal that small things are not the earth-shaking events they sometimes seem to be. Looking at a problem from a different perspective can make it seem less formidable and provide opportunities for greater objectivity and insight. Plus, the good feeling that we get when we laugh can remain with us as an internal experience even after the laughter subsides. Laughter reduces at least four of neuroendocrine hormones associated with stress response. These are epinephrine, cortisol, dopac, and growth hormone.
Wards off Depression - Research shows that people suffering from depression are more prone to many illnesses like high blood pressure, heart attacks and cancer. Depression also affects the immune system adversely.
Respiration - Laughter empties your lungs of more air than it takes in resulting in a cleansing effect - similar to deep breathing. This is especially helpful for peope who are suffering from respiratory ailments.
Muscle Relaxation - Laughing results in muscle relaxation. While you laugh, the muscles that do not participate in the belly laugh, relaxes. After you finish laughing those muscles involved in the laughter start to relax. So, the action takes place in two stages.
Immune System Enhancement - Studies have shown that humor strengthens the immune system.
Pain Reduction - Humor allows a person to "forget" about pains such as aches and arthritis.
Cardiac Protection - Laughter protects the heart. Laughter, along with an active sense of humor, may help protect you against a heart attack. A belly laugh is equivalent to "an internal jogging." Laughter can provide good cardiac conditioning especially for those who are unable to perform physical exercises.
Blood Pressure - Laughter lowers blood pressure. People who often laugh heartily have lower blood pressure than the average person. When people have a good laugh, initially the blood pressure increases, then decreases to levels below normal. Breathing then becomes deeper which sends oxygen-enriched blood and nutrients throughout the body.
Humor therapy or therapeutic humor uses the power of smiles and laughter to aid healing by helping to find ways to make yourself or others smile and laugh more.
Scientists have been researching (a field called psychoneuroimmunology) the relation between the mind and the body, especially in connection with the body's ability to heal. Laughter appears to change brain chemistry and may boost the immune system. Humor may allow a person to feel in control of a situation and make it seem more manageable. It allows people to release fears, anger, and stress, all of which can harm the body over time. Humor improves the quality of life.
Humor therapy, can be used to prevent or treat disease, particularly in long-term (chronic) diseases, especially those that are made worse by stress (such as heart disease and asthma).
Chronic diseases have a negative effect on mood and attitude, which can make the disease worse. Humor therapy helps reduce the negative effects of feeling unhealthy, out of control, afraid, or helpless, which are common problems for those with cancer or chronic diseases.Humor therapy is also valuable as a preventive measure for the caregivers of people with chronic diseases. Caregivers are at high risk of becoming sick themselves, and humor therapy can help release the stress that comes with being a caregiver. Caregivers and those they care for can practice humor therapy together, and they both are likely to have better health as a result.
